Sanshray Vakkalagadda Week 2 - Back to My Roots
Recently, my dad asked me to watch a documentary on the political state of India in the 1980s and the man who helped solve its problems at the time. It sounded excruciatingly boring and I asked to watch something else since I was not interested at all. Unfortunately, we still ended up watching that and nothing else.
While we watched, I started to wonder why I lacked interest in it; after all, India is my home country, right? The more I thought about it, the more I realized I know nearly nothing about India and my family’s culture. I only know surface level knowledge from my trips to India every other year. No matter how much I may want to deny it, my identity was shaped by my experiences living in America, not by my few vacations in India.
During these trips, my relatives simply confirm that I am more American than I am Indian. All I hear is, “Your Telugu needs work,” even though I have decent grammatical skills, I just lack the right accent, or “Don’t you know why today is important?”
This never bothered me until I started watching the documentary, and I started thinking about ways I could change this. One of the ways I have started trying to fix this gap in my identity is to start simply asking questions. Anytime an important day in Hindu culture popped up, I simply asked my mom, “Why is today important?” This small change has already started to bridge the chasm that has separated me from my Indian identity, and I am still looking for new ways to keep learning.
An article about Rajiv Gandhi, the leader in the documentary: https://nitamishra.com/analysis/rajiv-gandhi-a-deep-political-analysis-of-indias-youngest-prime-minister
Hi Shanshray! I liked how you organized your points, and I can personally relate to your experiences in a way. I, too, recall not knowing much about the country of my parent’s origin; China–and being sad about it (I was born in America but still relate to a lot of Chinese aspects). Despite the fact that both my parents are Chinese, I struggle in speaking the language. The languages that my parents speak are: Cantonese, Taishanese, and Mandarin. My mom speaks more Cantonese but learned Mandarin at a young age, while my dad speaks Taishanese–learning Cantonese at a young age. My parents (primarily my mom)--speak to me in Cantonese which I feel most comfortable with, but I respond in English because of my accent and low knowledge of the vocabulary. I remember when my parents signed me up for Chinese school every Saturday in 1st-5th grade. Initially, I was annoyed because I wanted to enjoy my weekends. The lessons were on Mandarin which was confusing for me because my family and relatives spoke (majority) Cantonese. So, because I was learning Mandarin and Cantonese at the same time, I would oftenly mix up the words and create statements with a mix of both languages. My sister also used to tease me about my accent which made me feel discouraged, and so I stopped speaking the languages. By not practicing at all, I’ve lost my tones over the years. However, after my visit to China in the summer of 2025, I learned about all the amazing elements of China including the culture, traditions, and language. Since then, I’ve started building my mentality and confidence by speaking or responding to my parents in Cantonese.
ReplyDeleteI have also found documentaries boring in the past, even in regards to the history of my own ancestor’s past, and I have also come to the realization that I know nearly nothing about my ancestry or the nation’s history. My only knowledge really comes from history class from last year or occasional questions I’ve asked towards my mom or dad.
ReplyDeleteHow you’ve been greatly influenced by American culture but not your own family’s is really relatable. I have joked to my friends that we’ve been whitewashed, which is kind of true to some point, but in some cases it’s ironic, with me literally being part white.
I do similarly hunger for more knowledge about my ancestors, whether it be in the worldwide context that you describe or the more personal familial history. I really admire how you’ve started seeking out knowledge with the resources that you have. Sometimes I reflect that I should start doing something, learning about things, and then I never end up doing so. That first step you’re taking will certainly pave the way for true understanding of the history of India.
Hi, Sanshray! I hope you are having a great day! While I feel disconnected from a lot of my cultural ancestry, the only part where I feel truly connected is through my knowledge of Indian history and politics. Fun fact: Rajiv Gandhi loved to drive fast, so quickly that his security detail would often struggle to keep up. I think we share the inner feeling of being more American than Indian and is something we have connected over that through these various blogs and comments which is really cool how this sort of blogging really comes together to build a community among this class. Asking questions is really the way to go, when trying to learn about your culture since I am pretty sure that all your relatives are more than happy to give you a lecture about. Being curious, and being involved has really helped me learn a lot more about my culture, speaking Marathi at a higher level, and participating in traditions. Taking this extra step makes me feel like I am a part of something bigger which I think is the goal we both are trying to achieve through finding our place among the Indian community. I would like to remind you that being Indian-American is extremely versatile and no matter how you connect you are always Indian; at times sometimes you just need someone to remind you!
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